Well, as many of you possible readers (more than like no one reads this though) know, today is Thanksgiving. I'm home for Thanksgiving for a grand total of yesterday evening until sometime today. I didn't sleep worth crap. But since this is Thanksgiving, I'm gonna try to be positive.
What am I thankful for?
-food
-my car
-my trailer
-my job
-my parents
-how smoothly my trip has gone thus far
-my boyfriend (who is currently sick)
-the fact that this semester is almost over
-the fact that i'm almost done with school
-toothpaste and toothbrushes
-indoor plumbing
The list could potentially go on.
Well, I'm going to eat waffles now (my family does Thanksgiving breakfast instead of lunch/dinner and I love it).
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
And we wonder why...
I just need to rant.
Ever wonder why almost everyone in America is so miserable? Maybe its because we learn to talk, but never learn to honestly communicate.
For instance: would someone PLEASE tell me how to talk to a mother? They want you to be honest with them, but they criticize what you say. I know they want to protect you from making stupid decisions or whatever, and I understand and respect that, but for crying out loud. I've gotten to the point that I don't want to make decisions anymore because I feel like my mother will criticize it...no matter what I choose!
I'm seriously about to lose it. And when I do, I'm afraid I'll lose the relationship with my mother. I feel like I'm going to seriously bite her head off. Don't get me wrong. I love my mom. But here's the thing: I'm 21. I graduate college in May. I pay my own bills. I buy my own groceries. I make decent grades (not to mention the fact that I'll be the FIRST person in my ENTIRE family to actually GRADUATE from COLLEGE!). I've been so afraid of losing a relationship with my mom that I'm scared to actually figure out who I am, which is what she has been pushing me to do.
Wait. I take that back. My dad has been encouraging me to figure out who I am before making any life decisions (like a career). My mom wants me to make a career out of what I've gone to school for, which is what she's paid money for. And they wonder why I'm depressed?!
I can't tell her that I plan to take at least a year off of doing theatre and just work. Because she says that she paid money for this education, so I need to make a career out of it. (Yes, she's said this.) I can't tell her about my relationship with my boyfriend (which will be for a year come Dec. 31) because she criticizes him and our relationship. Sorry mom, but I don't think Prince Charming exists in human form. And I'm pretty damn sure you and dad weren't the best of people when you started dating, nevertheless when you got married. Yeah, my boyfriend has some issues. So do I. Its not like we're getting hitched anytime super soon! Neither of us can exactly afford it.
And what do I do if I find something I believe that differs from my parents? Oh God forbid. That happened with my brother and they fought over it. Yeah, they still have a decent relationship. But I get the feeling that's because my brother's always been the "different independent one." I've always been the "never question anything" one.
I'm so beyond frustrated. What am I supposed to do?
Ever wonder why almost everyone in America is so miserable? Maybe its because we learn to talk, but never learn to honestly communicate.
For instance: would someone PLEASE tell me how to talk to a mother? They want you to be honest with them, but they criticize what you say. I know they want to protect you from making stupid decisions or whatever, and I understand and respect that, but for crying out loud. I've gotten to the point that I don't want to make decisions anymore because I feel like my mother will criticize it...no matter what I choose!
I'm seriously about to lose it. And when I do, I'm afraid I'll lose the relationship with my mother. I feel like I'm going to seriously bite her head off. Don't get me wrong. I love my mom. But here's the thing: I'm 21. I graduate college in May. I pay my own bills. I buy my own groceries. I make decent grades (not to mention the fact that I'll be the FIRST person in my ENTIRE family to actually GRADUATE from COLLEGE!). I've been so afraid of losing a relationship with my mom that I'm scared to actually figure out who I am, which is what she has been pushing me to do.
Wait. I take that back. My dad has been encouraging me to figure out who I am before making any life decisions (like a career). My mom wants me to make a career out of what I've gone to school for, which is what she's paid money for. And they wonder why I'm depressed?!
I can't tell her that I plan to take at least a year off of doing theatre and just work. Because she says that she paid money for this education, so I need to make a career out of it. (Yes, she's said this.) I can't tell her about my relationship with my boyfriend (which will be for a year come Dec. 31) because she criticizes him and our relationship. Sorry mom, but I don't think Prince Charming exists in human form. And I'm pretty damn sure you and dad weren't the best of people when you started dating, nevertheless when you got married. Yeah, my boyfriend has some issues. So do I. Its not like we're getting hitched anytime super soon! Neither of us can exactly afford it.
And what do I do if I find something I believe that differs from my parents? Oh God forbid. That happened with my brother and they fought over it. Yeah, they still have a decent relationship. But I get the feeling that's because my brother's always been the "different independent one." I've always been the "never question anything" one.
I'm so beyond frustrated. What am I supposed to do?
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Choosing a gym
I decided to start looking at fairly popular workout places for people who don't have a free access through school or apartment complexes, like the YMCA and The Rush. Why don't these websites have monetary sections? That's most likely going to be my biggest deciding factor for choosing a place to go is just how much it costs and if I can afford it. Oi.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Is exercising feasible?
Well, here I am again. In the crew room of McDonald's. I was working on my grocery list in the lobby, but my head was (and still is) pounding and there were screaming children. Those two don't mix well.
Lately, I've been thinking about exercising again. Research shows it releases endorphins, or happy hormones as I like to call them. My main concern is that I'll get stressed out with trying to find time to exercise. And that if I do, soon I'll be out of school, how will I exercise? I hate actual running since it hurts all my joints so much and I have to weight equipment at my house. So would I pay to exercise? If that's the case, it may stress me out more for the mere fact that I'm trying to pay for things on my own and its hard enough as it is. I'm hoping it gets better as I'll start being able to work more.
But how do I start back to exercising? I know they suggest doing things you like. Me, I like dancing and jump-roping and even doing the elipticals (especially if I have music). The elipticals is the one thing that can actually keep my interest for 30 minutes when I'm by myself.
Weight-lifting is a while other entity in and of itself. I have to be super careful or I'll make the bones in my joints come semi-out-of-place and rub up against each other, which is incredibly painful the next day when the whole area is inflamed.
I've thought about taking up pilates again. I really enjoy that, even though it kicks my butt. I've done it once with my boyfriend and that was really enjoyable, mainly because I was trying not to laugh at him the entire time. I've also been thinking about trying yoga as well. Its apparently really good for flexibility and balance and for the spinal alignment. Problem: they suggest finding a class to go to. That may not work too well for me since a lot of classes are when I'm working or at school.
So I guess I just have to figure things out. When I do, I'll let you know. It won't happen until at least December though. Need to finish this semester first.
Lately, I've been thinking about exercising again. Research shows it releases endorphins, or happy hormones as I like to call them. My main concern is that I'll get stressed out with trying to find time to exercise. And that if I do, soon I'll be out of school, how will I exercise? I hate actual running since it hurts all my joints so much and I have to weight equipment at my house. So would I pay to exercise? If that's the case, it may stress me out more for the mere fact that I'm trying to pay for things on my own and its hard enough as it is. I'm hoping it gets better as I'll start being able to work more.
But how do I start back to exercising? I know they suggest doing things you like. Me, I like dancing and jump-roping and even doing the elipticals (especially if I have music). The elipticals is the one thing that can actually keep my interest for 30 minutes when I'm by myself.
Weight-lifting is a while other entity in and of itself. I have to be super careful or I'll make the bones in my joints come semi-out-of-place and rub up against each other, which is incredibly painful the next day when the whole area is inflamed.
I've thought about taking up pilates again. I really enjoy that, even though it kicks my butt. I've done it once with my boyfriend and that was really enjoyable, mainly because I was trying not to laugh at him the entire time. I've also been thinking about trying yoga as well. Its apparently really good for flexibility and balance and for the spinal alignment. Problem: they suggest finding a class to go to. That may not work too well for me since a lot of classes are when I'm working or at school.
So I guess I just have to figure things out. When I do, I'll let you know. It won't happen until at least December though. Need to finish this semester first.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Beginnings are always fun
So I've decided to start blogging. Part of the reason is because I tried keeping a journal and failed. Probably because it takes too long to write by hand and I have limited time.
I've hit the point in my life where I realize that I don't know where I personally stand on most issues in life. I know where I was raised to stand and what I'm supposed to believe, but I've started being very cynical towards that. Its time I start looking into issues that I don't know enough about to have an opinion (as most people can't stand when people have unfounded opinions). I want to be educated, but not exactly in the sense of "I'm about to graduate college, so I have an education," but in the sense that I want to know why I believe what I believe and make decisions based on that. If this results in a complete "way I live my life" makeover, so be it. That might be what I need to get rid of the overwhelming sense that I don't know anything (which is most likely contributing to my depression).
Yes, I have been diagnosed with depression. A little about myself now I guess. I'm graduating with distinction from UNCA in May. I work at McDonald's. I live in a trailer. I have a boyfriend. I want a dog. My family lives 2.5 hours away and I wish I could afford (money and time wise) to visit them all the freakin time. I dance and I do theatre. I don't really know which direction I want to go with my career yet. Ummm my favorite colors are blue and hot pink, but I'm really starting to lean towards bright red as another favorite. I know that's cheesy to put my favorite colors, but I'm out of things to say at the moment.
Until I have time to write again, I'm out.
I've hit the point in my life where I realize that I don't know where I personally stand on most issues in life. I know where I was raised to stand and what I'm supposed to believe, but I've started being very cynical towards that. Its time I start looking into issues that I don't know enough about to have an opinion (as most people can't stand when people have unfounded opinions). I want to be educated, but not exactly in the sense of "I'm about to graduate college, so I have an education," but in the sense that I want to know why I believe what I believe and make decisions based on that. If this results in a complete "way I live my life" makeover, so be it. That might be what I need to get rid of the overwhelming sense that I don't know anything (which is most likely contributing to my depression).
Yes, I have been diagnosed with depression. A little about myself now I guess. I'm graduating with distinction from UNCA in May. I work at McDonald's. I live in a trailer. I have a boyfriend. I want a dog. My family lives 2.5 hours away and I wish I could afford (money and time wise) to visit them all the freakin time. I dance and I do theatre. I don't really know which direction I want to go with my career yet. Ummm my favorite colors are blue and hot pink, but I'm really starting to lean towards bright red as another favorite. I know that's cheesy to put my favorite colors, but I'm out of things to say at the moment.
Until I have time to write again, I'm out.