Friday, May 16, 2014

Femininity

Tell me how to find the balance
Between the different sides of me:
The vulnerable that has such beauty,
The strong that I must be.
For if I cannot be full of strength,
Desperation becomes my path.
I must stay open, for if I don't,
My relationships cannot last.
Vulnerability of strength?
Which one defines femininity?
Perhaps the true test of womanhood
Is finding a balance I can achieve.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Update!

Yes, yes, I know. I'm a slacker. Its already been 3 months since I updated! Eek!

Okay, I suppose the first thing I should do is give an update on how my New Year's resolutions are coming along (yes, I'm still keeping them!)

1. Finish reading my Bible:
Still chugging along on this (though I did get really far behind when I was working on resolution # 6).

2. Live in love (or stop living in fear):
This is an ongoing challenge for me, and will continue to be. But I think I'm doing an okay job. I should add on to this to continue to work on loving myself. I've been awfully hard on myself and apologizing for everything. The best response to my unnecessary apologies is the one my boyfriend usually gives. It usually goes a little something like this:

Me: I'm sorry.
Him: (Shakes his head).
Me: What?
Him: We don't apologize when we have nothing to apologize for.

(Yes, this happened very recently....and happens frequently).

3. Plan trips.
I've started saving up (slowly, but surely) for a big trip. Like a South Africa big trip.

4. Take care of myself physically.
Yep, I can run over a mile now!! And I can touch my toes again. I'm continuing to work on the flexibility bit, but I'm getting there. And I've been keeping my hair (mostly) nice.

5. Repair and/or replace old junk.
Fixed my coat, bought new tennis shoes, got rid of super holey PJ pants, and got a laptop charger. Yep, I think this one is officially taken care of.

6. Be in at least one play.
I can't believe I haven't said one word on here about Chicago!!!! What is wrong with me?! Okay, let's just say that this one is also checked off my to do list. I'll blab more about it here in a moment.

7. Choreograph a full routine.
I'm about halfway through choreographing to Concrete Wall by Zee Avi. Maybe I'll get someone to video it for me when its done so you guys can see it!

Ooookay now that that's been updated, let me tell you what else I've been up to.

First off, as I mentioned before, I was in a play! Chicago the musical to be exact. To make a long story short, this was the most fun I've had doing a show.....EVER! Usually, when I get done with the show, I'm done. I don't want to see, hear, look at, or acknowledge it for a few months. With Chicago, I was actually sad it ended. Its been over a month since it ended now and I'm still singing the songs and doing the routines. That's how much fun I had.


Since then, I've moved in with my boyfriend in Boone. I gotta say...he's pretty dang awesome. Our first task together when I moved was to go buy a bookshelf. We are both such bookworms! Anyways, we spent the majority of a day putting the bookshelf together and going through just his books.


I apologize for the terrible quality of that picture, but that's our bookshelf. We actually have quite a few books on a smaller bookshelf. Its our "classics" bookshelf, including novels such as The Call of the Wild, Oliver Twist, Utopia, White Fang, and Fiddler on the Roof. Yeah, did I mention we're a little nerdy?

Well, that is all for my update today. I hope everyone is doing well and is happy out there!

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If I were to even begin telling you exactly how I feel
You would first have to know exactly where I’m coming from
All my little tragedies
My heartbreaks
My insecurities
All my great successes
My adventures
My passions
You would have to understand that I never feel only one way
Too often there are two warring sides
I’m happy, yet I’m petrified
I’ll let you in, but I’ll keep you out
I want support, but I’ll do it on my own,
thank you very much
I’ll tell you everything, yet not have said enough
My heart will swell with the knowledge that you love me,
Yet be breaking with the possibility that you could leave
I’ll force myself to trust you when that’s the hardest thing to do
I’ll give you all of me, then hide myself away
You need to know that I have depths to how I feel
And how I think
I’ll love you as a friend, as a lover, as a partner
How I feel about you cannot be contained in three words
What I want with you cannot be easily communicated
My reservations hold me back while my spirit drives me forward
You first need to understand me
Before you will understand this in its entirety