Don't be Discouraged

Hey you guys. I’m not going to lie. I could be doing any number of things right now since both my kiddos are miraculously down for naps at the same time for the first time in......I don’t even remember how long it’s been. I could be unloading the dishwasher, or cleaning out Rin’s nasty bath toys, or even catching a few z’s myself.

But I feel the need to get real.

I have struggled this week. I have felt like a failure of a mother.

I got mad at Amelia because she wouldn’t cooperate with eating or sleeping.

I got stressed out and frustrated that Amelia wouldn’t stop screaming in my face for no reason.

I got annoyed with Rin when she kept playing with things she wasn’t supposed to.

I got angry when she continually refused to answer a simple yes or no question (Do you need to pee?).

I failed to do anything educational with Rin, including reading her books (I’ve got some kind of sinus crud trying to happen and my voice has been in and out since Tuesday).

I let Rin watch WAY too many movies. Which means Amelia watched too.

We didn’t go play outside all week.

I failed to give my child vegetables most of the week.

I actually ended up asking my mother at one point “When do you stop almost constantly feeling like a crappy* mom?” *Edited for the lesser of “cuss words” in the US.

Her answer?

“I don’t know, there are days when I still feel that way”

And she’s been a mother for 32 years, y’all.

It’s moments like these that it is easy to get discouraged. Especially when it’s the kind of week where you think “I’m going to be better this week!” And then come down with the sinus crud and have to stay indoors and quiet. When I want desperately to be an excellent mother and wife and also work on my own faith.

But then I hear words like

“It’ll get easier!”
“Don’t be discouraged.”
“Be free.”
“You’re in a difficult season of life. Little folk need you to do things for them or they die.”

And I remember to take a deep breath and change perspectives. Change what I have control over and let go of what I don’t. And to remember that my children are just that: children. They view the world with excitement, curiousity, and just a little bit of fear. But they know that Mom is right there to run to if they need me. It’s sobering.

So I determined to make the most of the rest of my week.

I cleaned the bathrooms (hallelujah! The kids’ bathroom smelled like pee because hello potty training misses).

I tried my best to read a book to Rin and ended up coughing. But then listened to my wonderful husband read a book to her the past few nights when I wasn’t able and remembered that I’m not in this parenting thing alone.

I let Rin be a child and built a fort with/for her, then hung out in the fort while she pretended to cook me food.

I listened to Rin sing over half the ABC’s by herself and realized she’s retaining more than I realize.

Do I still feel terrible about staying inside all week and failing at the meal planning this week and not spending actual time doing learning or art activities and getting made when my kids don’t do exactly what I want when I want?

Absolutely.

But I am remembering to breathe and let loose my grip on life. To enjoy this time of being a child, but to also put my kids down and/or in their rooms and go take a few minutes of a breather when their needs overwhelm my own.

And now, Rin is awake again and informing that she is hungry (we JUST finished lunch less than an hour and a half ago, people. Growth spurt?), so I suppose I'm done for today. Much love to you all.