Parenting Through

You guys, I have to start by apologizing for it having been so long since I last posted. I said I would post last week, but obviously that did not happen. Why? Where have I been and what have I been doing that I couldn't take an hour at most to write?

Quite frankly, I've been home, struggling.

It started the day after Valentine's day, or two days after Rin turned two. I hit a brick wall. I had done some fun, easy crafts with Rin for the holiday. I had enlisted her help in making heart-shaped sugar cookies. I had planned on writing a cute, but not necessarily mushy, blog post showcasing all of this.

And then, I just.....stopped. I don't know if it was Mommy burnout, or pregnancy hormones, my own tendencies towards stress and depression, or a scary combination of all three. But I suddenly couldn't deal with anything.

I cried a lot. I yelled at my child way too much. I snapped at my husband. I tried so hard not to do these things, to hold myself together. And it felt like the harder I tried, the more out of control I felt.

I wanted out. I questioned my ability to be a mother. I questioned and picked apart every little decision I had ever made that brought me to this point in my life. And I cried some more.

It escalated the Friday night after Valentine's. I truly lost it. I was so angry at my toddler that I was shaking. I wanted to slap her. In the face, you guys. I barely had enough control not to. I also have an amazing husband who knows when he needs to step in and take over. (It has taken me so long to write this because I do not want anyone to think I do not love my child. Or to think I'm an awful person. I promise you that I absolutely love her and I am against violence.)

After this, I broke down in such intense sobs, I started hyperventilating and having a panic attack. I was so dizzy, I couldn't walk. Andrew calmed me down enough to get Rin to bed. And then I cried on Andrew for close to an hour.

I was ashamed. I was guilty. I was terrified of myself. Who was I? Where did this monster come from?

The next day, I took the day off. After a ton of hugs and kisses, I left to spend the day by myself. I went to a dance competition to enjoy being around creativity and art. I had lunch while reading one of my favorites of all time, Pride and Prejudice. I talked to my mom. I gradually started feeling like myself again.

I started to write about this last Monday, but I just couldn't yet. I took last week as a continuation of that healing, destressing, reflecting, and remembering who I am as a person, as well as a wife and mother.

It's been long enough now that I can see the good that came from a hard week.

I learned I need time away on a regular basis to reset and to just breathe. During Rin's nap time doesn't count since that's usually taken up by cleaning, projects, and/or some shut eye myself. I mean time out of the apartment with no one in tow. It makes me a better mother and wife. And I refuse to feel guilty about it (it helps that Andrew is on board with it too).

I was reminded that my husband truly loves me and is here for me. That can be hard to remember many times when I'm wrist deep in pee, poop, dishes, cooking, etc and he's up to his ears in school work. But it's true.

And finally, I learned how to parent through my own downfalls. How to parent through tears. How to parent through tantrums. How to parent through all the muck and learn from it, so I can continue to parent through and do it better.

And now, for some lighthearted, overdue pictures of my now two year old.

Arts and crafts

She's focused

Hearts we made (I ended up cutting off the excess paper)

Coloring in pinks, purples, and reds

I walked in to find her like this. She also had books under her butt.

Jeez, Mom, I'm trying to read.

Sprinkle time!

She got into it!

Valentine's cookies

Valentine's day snuggles

The Problem With Mind Over Matter

Hey everyone! It seems you all were as excited to find out about baby Amelia as I was (and still am)!

Just an update on my part: I've apparently been sick. I went to the doctor yesterday for my 20 week checkup (we're halfway there, whoop whoop!) and told her that I just generally haven't been feeling well.

I've had bad postnasal drip. I've been sneezing. I've been feeling more and more run down. And it's been going on at least two weeks now.

So, she suggested taking an antibiotic since I wasn't getting any better on my own. Y'all, I hate taking antibiotics. But I hate her other options (claritin or mucinex) more because they dry me out and give me "medicine head." And I DEFINITELY hate being sick more. So, hello Z-pack.

Well, turns out she was right. I took my first dose after lunch yesterday. By this point, my sinuses were starting to throb and I felt awful (and I think it only hit me then because I had finally admitted I didn't feel well). By yesterday evening, I was starting to feel a little better. Last night, I was able to finally actually sleep. This morning, I'm still run down feeling, but I feel much more human again!

So good news, the medicine is working.

Bad news, that means I actually had some little nasties brewing in my system.

And THAT right there is the problem with mind over matter.

I refused to let myself be "sick."
I'm a mom; I don't have time for that.
I'm pregnant; I don't have time for that.
I'm running a house; I don't have time for that.

But, I should've realized I did, indeed, have time  for that.

Because I should've known. The signals were all there.

The postnasal drip that was so bad I was gagging on it almost all day.
The sneezing (and sneezing and sneezing).
The severe lack of energy.
The inability to get a good night's sleep.
The weepiness.
The painful acne breakouts (my acne is ONLY this painful when I'm getting sick).
The constantly being cold (even though I had no fever).
The lack of appetite.
The lack of motivation to do anything at all.

Now, a lot of these can be attributed simply to pregnancy. So, that's what I did. I refused to admit that I honestly and truly felt sick, and just blamed the hormones.

So, the moral of this story is: know your body. Listen to your body. Mind over matter can be a beautiful thing, but if you honestly do not feel well, don't be afraid to do something about it.

That way, you don't feel miserable for way longer than necessary.

Now that's out of the way, here's the update on my beautiful family:

For starters, Rin is, well, Rin. She's been taking care of her "babies" more and more. And been trying to help Mommy more and more (which sometimes works out nicely....other times, not so much: try cleaning with a toddler at your feet moving everything around and you'll understand).

Unfortunately, I have no adorable pictures this week. I've been a little busy trying to not fall on my own face.

As for Andrew, he's doing well. Student teaching seems to be going well, even if it's a little stressful.

And I just have to be mushy for a moment and say that I am so so so grateful to him.

We may have our bad moments, but he has been so forgiving and supportive for me these last few weeks.
He's held me in the middle of the night when I wake up from a nightmare (pregnancy nightmares are a b with a capital B) crying without asking for an explanation until I've calmed down enough to talk. He's held me when I'm crying for stupid reasons in the middle of the afternoon.
He's helped me with the dishes when I'm just too tired after the day to do anything else.
He's played with Rin when I'm too frustrated to deal anymore (and even when he just wanted to).
He's helped read bedtime stories.
He's cleaned up after me when I haven't had the energy to straighten up the apartment.

He has genuinely been my helpmate and my friend. And I couldn't do this whole Mom thing without him. (Granted, I also wouldn't BE a mom without him either hahahaha....sorry, I couldn't resist).

So, that's family life the past few weeks. I hope you all are doing well and staying healthy during this crazy weather (I know at least in NC, it's been crazy...60 degrees one day, 30 the next....ugh!). Much love! Until next time!

Drum Roll Please!

Alright! We had the anatomy ultrasound today. Everything looks good and healthy so far.

Now, show of hands for those who voted boy! (2 people, according to the first poll. 13 people, according to the second poll. And one vote via Facebook.)

Now, show of hands for those who voted girl! (6 people, according to the first poll. 4 people, according to the second poll. And two votes via Facebook.)

This little face profile belongs to.....

Our next daughter!!! Everyone, meet Amelia 😍

We are super excited to be having another girl. (Oh, hey there saving money via hand-me-downs. No, that isn't the only reason we're excited.)

Even Rin seems to be somewhat understanding what's going on and has always answered "yes" when we ask if she's ready to be a big sister.

A few times, she has even tried to feed and diaper her stuffed animals (with no prompting from anyone).

Until next time!

Pregnancy poll (again)

For those of you who would like to use "bump" pictures to try to guess (just ignore the lack of happiness in my face....I'm sleepy this morning):

For those who would like to use other wive's tales:

- The heartbeat has been over 140 mph
- Yes, boobs have grown.
- Lots of morning sickness in first trimester
- I've craved mostly salty foods
- My face has been breaking out more
- The ring on a string goes back and forth?
- I've been very moody
- Andrew hasn't gained weight, that I'm aware

Those are all the ones I can think of!

Is it a boy or a girl?

Boy!

Girl!

Who Wants to Play a Guessing Game?!

Hello all! Next Wednesday (in 10 days), I have my anatomy ultrasound! That means, hopefully, we will be finding out if we're having a boy or a girl this time around!

We're super excited (this is, like, the only doctor's appointment I look forward to as a pregnant lady)! And I thought I'd have a little fun and ask you all to vote.....

Do you think I'm having a boy or a girl?

Boy

Girl

Now, if you want you can keep reading for some fun preggo lady and toddler updates. I also have a few questions for those of you with kiddos of your own. If not, no hard feelings! I'm glad you joined in for my fun little game 😄

So first update would be to let you all know that I am feeling MUCH better! I stopped taking my sicko meds the week we got home from Christmas. I didn't want to say anything until some time had passed (for fear of speaking too soon), but my nausea is gone (WOOHOO!) and I'm not tossing my cookies except for the occasional morning when I don't eat within thirty minutes of waking up.

Another update: I have felt the little nugget moving. Not much, and not strongly, but it's still really cool.

As for the toddler, she's doing well. This past Wednesday, she apparently decided she was ready to potty train. We had a bad day since then, and a rough afternoon or two, but it seems to be going well. For someone who knows nothing about this stuff, I'm okay with how it's going...

Which brings me to question number one: When do you change over to pull-ups? Do you wait until they are more consistent about not peeing in the diaper? Cause Rin goes in the potty (most days) during all of the morning. And taking off and putting on the same diaper a thousand times is kinda frustrating. 😏

Secondary toddler update: she just put three words together yesterday! For some reason, I was saying that they "feed the chickens to make them bigger," and Rin looked at me and said "Feed the bak-bak!" (her word for chicken). Today, she was shoving gold fish in my shirt pocket and saying "Feed the pocket!" Sigh......

That's really all for updates, except to say that student teaching really starts getting underway this week. If Andrew or I (or both) drop off the face of the planet more often, it's just from the work load. We're not ignoring you!

Now, for another question for those with more than one kid: What did your older child(ren) do when you were giving birth? It's something I've been thinking about, and (truth be told) worrying about. Is it okay for them to be with you? Is it too hectic with them there? Does it help to have them there?

Also, Is there anything you did to prepare your oldest to no longer being an only child? I've been trying to talk to Rin about there being a baby, but you never know what all (or how well) their little brains comprehend.

I think that's all for today! I tried to keep it short and sweet. There's more I could talk about, but, well, I'm sleepy 😊

I Have No Catchy Title, But I Have A Cute Kid!

Oh, this week. I'm glad this week is over. And I'm glad it ended on such a high note. "Hellooooooo, Snow!" (Please be sure to hear that with the voices of the Yakko and Wakko from Animaniacs.)

To explain this week, I'm only backing up to Wednesday. Why? I don't remember anything that happened further back (I'd say blame pregnancy brain, but I don't think it can be faulted this time).

Wednesday, this family had to get back on a schedule because Andrew was starting his student teaching! I like schedules, but it was still an adjustment.

Rin got a lot of coloring time in while I sang to music and did dishes and drank coffee. After that, she was already so tired that we just chilled on the couch until an early lunch.

Thursday, I decided to take Rin to find some warmer shoes that fit (apparently, she's a size 7!).

I quickly learned that taking a toddler (especially one who loves shoes) shopping is NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART!!! Please pardon my language, but this momma about lost her shit by the end of the morning.

It's not that Rin was BAD. It's just that she was too excited to listen to me, so it took forever. But we ended up with some awesome boots that were less than $20.

Fortunately, Andrew was awesome and let me rest that evening because I was exhausted. He even took over reading duty.

Then came Friday (yesterday). I was still exhausted from Thursday. I had a plan of attach for the day that included picking up a few things from the store after my checkup, cleaning up the kitchen, and cooking a good dinner. HA!

This checkup should have taken 45 minutes (and that's if they were running 30 minutes late). HA!

We were there 2 hours. When we left, it was past lunch AND the beginning of nap time. So no store run. And I was exhausted from occupying a toddler with minimal toys/books for two hours, so no cleaning.

Time to pick Andrew up. It takes 40 minutes to get to his school. Crap, it's snowing. Well, Boone roads will be fine, Ashe should be fine too. HA!

I was almost in tears from stress and frustration by the time I got to the school. Andrew calmed me down and we left for home.

Hold on, it gets better...

And got in a minor, no-fault fender bender. Person in oncoming traffic started to brake because the person in front of her slowed down. She tail spinned. I lightly braked so I wouldn't hit her. I started to tailspin. Remembered at least to turn my wheel opposite the way I was spinning so I wouldn't completely lose control, but we were already too close and...bumper cars.

No one was hurt and there was just a little paint swap, so we all decided to just be on our way (after Andrew made sure that lady was okay and her car wasn't damaged).

Dinner plans changed because we didn't reach town until after 5. Dinner was still good, but stress levels were high and the night didn't end well.

But today!! Much better day. First off, "Helloooooo, Snow!" We had nowhere to be, amends had been made, and it was time for some lifted spirits!

We decided to bundle up and go play before the temperature started plummeting and the wind picked up. That story will be told in pictures:

Ummm....what is this stuff? 

Hey, this is cool!

Running to Mama!

She fell down. A lot. On purpose.

Checking out Mama's snow angel

Making her own snow angel!

She laughed a lot

She started burying herself in her blankets

Reading with Daddy

As you can see, she LOVED the snow! She fell down on purpose multiple times, and laughed and smiled the entire time. We were surprised she went inside without a fuss when we were only out there for maybe 20 minutes.

We spent the rest of the day under blankets and relaxing. I got to make the dinner I had planned to make yesterday and it was quite delicious!

Overall, this snow day was a much-needed light hearted day that was the perfect end to a crazy, exhausting week.

Stay warm and stay safe everyone!

New Year! (Not New Me)

There are many years that I make resolutions, but still more that I don't even bother to. I can, however, say that on the years I've made resolutions, I've kept at least one of them.

So this year, I made a few.

Some of them are necessities to make life easier when we move (less loose material floating around):

1) Finish Rin's baby book.

2) Finish my own scrap book project.

3) Finish any other projects that need finishing.

Some are necessary for the sanity or health of my family:

4) Keep the apartment clean and organized. I'm not talking Martha Stewart style here...I'm talking about dusting and vacuuming at least once a week, keeping the dishes clean or in the dishwasher and the countertops clear, and keeping my own clutter that magically piles up on my side of the bed picked up and put away.

5) Plan something to do with Rin every weekday. Even if it's "today, we're going to color," have some kind of plan.

And some things are for my own health, be it emotional, spiritual, or physical.

6) Take care of my body. Obviously, I'm not aiming to lose any weight until July at the earliest (oh hi, baby bump). But I do aim to stay better hydrated, especially as I get "more pregmant" and the weather eventually warms (is winter ever going to actually hit here?!). If anyone has any tips on drinking water, please share!!

I also aim to get some form of light exercise a day while preggers. That can take the form of dance, yoga, walking, etc. On that note, I plan to make a post-baby "ease back into exercise" plan. And do my best to stick to it. I was overweight (no, I'm not exaggerating...that's according to the BMI charts in the doctor's office) when I got pregnant and I would like to be well on my way back to a healthy weight by this time next year.

7) I'm going to take a little time each day to get back in touch with my "spiritual side." I'm going to read at least my Bible a little every day. I may do more. But I'm okay with starting with some reading every day and seeing what happens from there.

8) I'm going to take a little time every day to do something just because it's something I'd like to do. I've gotten better at this lately, but would like to keep it up, especially after baby number two comes.

And finally, a few for fun:

9) Finish Pokemon Sun.

10) Keep up with my lovely page-a-day mindful coloring calendar my mother-in-law gave me for Christmas.

I'm aware that this is a fairly long, detailed list. But I figure that it's easier to keep a resolution if you make a lot. And goals are easier to reach if they are detailed.

Overall, I just aim to make this the best year I can and I hope you all have a wonderful year as well!

Happy 2017!!