Unintentional Toxicity

Hey guys! Man it's...uh....it's been a long while. A lot has happened! We found a house for rent that's closer to the school Andrew's at, moved, and found out we're having another baby (which most of you already knew)!

I could go into more detail about just about anything, but right now I want to talk about something that's weighing on my mind. And that is unintended toxicity.

Wait, what? Even though that probably sounds weird, we've all experienced it. It's when some well-meaning person says something that actually makes us feel worse.

A prime example for me is "Enjoy your babies; this time doesn't last long." (When I'm having a bad day with the kids)

Or "At least you can have babies." (When I'm complaining about the crappy parts of being pregnant.)

Or "At least you have a job." (When someone is complaining about a bad day at work.)

Or any number of things. I know I'm guilty of it too. Where does it stem from?

I think it comes from a desire to believe people are like us. Of course, we all have similarities. But we are NOT all the same. We do not all have the same preferences.

Most people like pizza. Some people like pineapple on pizza, others think it's the most disgusting thing to ever exist.

Most people think babies are cute. Some people enjoy snuggling the babies, others don't know what to do with a baby.

Most people think kids are fun. Some people enjoy playing with and teaching preschoolers, others only like it for short amounts of time or not at all.

Most people like having a steady income. Some people enjoy their jobs, others tolerate theirs.

Most people like having home cooked delicious meals. Some people enjoy the process of cooking, while others can barely boil pasta.

DO YOU GET MY POINT?!

We're all different.

 As for me, I love my children dearly. But I am quickly finding that I typically have more patience with them around the 9 month - 2 year mark. I enjoy them as babies too, but am generally all over the place thanks to major sleep deprivation (it makes you CrAzY). After 2 years begins potty training, and then a major increase in the amount they talk and try to be independent. That is HARD for me. I hate potty training (it's finally completely over with Rin, thank God). I like talking to Rin, but I feel like my ears are going to start bleeding with the amount she talks some days. I want her to be an amazing, independent, intelligent human, but I get sick of her arguing about every possible thing.

That does not mean I don't love her. This is just not the stage of parenthood that I thrive in.

Part of that is my own selfishness. I like for my house to be somewhat neat, and for my kids to follow the rules. I like to sit and read on my own without being interrupted every few minutes. These things are practically impossible with a three year old! I also miss being able to do theatre, but rehearsals are usually at night, and I have to sleep. I miss having a life outside of my children.

I still love them. I still enjoy moments with them. But I am not required to enjoy trying to get my kid to eat the food I spent an hour making, or trying to brush her teeth when she hates it, or telling her 1000 times to stop doing something.

So when people say "Enjoy your babies, this time doesn't last long," I just want to respond with "I'm counting on it!"

So please, think before you speak. People are allowed to vent about the things they're struggling with in life. Most of the time, they just need to know that someone is listening and someone understands. Don't be an unintentionally toxic addition to the conversation.

Or as Thumper from Bambi says:

The Power of Thoughts

Hey all! I know I've missed about two weeks of "happy log blogs," but that's mainly because I keep forgetting to write any notes down at the ends of my days. Normally, I would be upset with myself, but I'm not.

Part of why I'm not upset is that I've embraced that life with children is chaotic almost all the time. Adding one more thing on my list of things to constantly remember to do isn't something that needs doing.

Another reason is that I fulfilled my original intent. That quickly. My original intent of starting the "happy logs" was to see if I could change the way I thought and felt by changing my focus. You guys, it doesn't take long. Or, at least, it didn't for me. After about 3 weeks, I started noticing that I was feeling more positive throughout my days.



After I realized this, I started coming across this idea in more places. It was an idea I had already heard from church plenty of times. I'd seen (and read about) it in Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. If you've never seen it, here's a clip of that moment in the movie (please excuse the...I'm guessing German?...subtitles).

Then Rin checked out a book from the library called "Pete the Cat and His Magic Sunglasses." In this tale, Pete the Cat is in a grumpy mood. He comes across another animal, who gives him some sunglasses to help him see things in a whole new way. Pete puts on his sunglasses and the world looks awesome!

Eventually, Pete falls and the sunglasses crack. He doesn't know what to do! But an owl tells him, "Pete, you don't need magic sunglasses to see things in a new way. Just remember to look for the good in every day."

Needless to say, I'm definitely a fan of Pete the Cat now.

Then I came across a gem on Facebook that was someone talking about their therapist, who shot them with a nerf gun every time they started talking about themselves in a negative way (there is a tad bit on language in the first bit, but it's still great):




I feel like there was one more example of this somewhere, but it's just amazing to me that changing what we focus on and how we think and speak can affect how we actually feel.

Do I still get frustrated and angry and stressed?

I'm a mom of a 3 year old with exactly zero self-preservation skills and who never stops talking, as well as an almost 9 month old who doesn't speak actual words yet and keeps screaming (both when happy and upset) so shrilly, it feels like it's piercing my skull.

BUT I don't end all of my days feeling hopelessly depressed. I've actually been going to bed in a good mood for probably a week now. And I will most certainly consider that a great success.

Give the Heart Permission to Dream

Hello lovelies. I've been struggling with what to write for a while. I was going to write a blog post about the pros (that everyone touts) and the cons (that no one warms about) of breastfeeding because I recently got over yet another plugged milk duct. But then yet another school shooting happened, and I felt it wasn't an appropriate time. I want to weigh in on that as well, but I don't know where to even start, so that may come after I've collected my thoughts.

And then yesterday happened.

Yesterday, Andrew and I were talking about our plans for the upcoming years. They mainly centered on what he wants to do, which is what started the conversation in the first place.  He has long-term goals and short-term plans to get there.

They are big and exciting plans and goals. They are a lot of hard work. And the beautiful thing is he didn't want to make me feel like my dreams have to be put completely on hold. He said that phase 2 (phase 1 was, ya know, graduating and getting a job teaching) can happen in the next year and that phase 3 will wait until I get the chance to pursue what I want to do as well.

But it got me down.

I needed a shower, and while in there, I realized something. Because, as we all know, deep thoughts come frequently in showers and on toilets. 

I felt like I had failed . Yes, I'm doing this mom thing now and that's amazing and I love my children. But I felt like I had failed myself. I felt like I had let down the people around me by not living up to my potential as my own person before I started popping out babies.

Andrew joined me, and of course he noticed I was bummed and asked me about it. And then asked me,"Well, what do you want to do?"

AND I DIDN'T KNOW.

All my life, I've heard that I can do anything I want to do. Which is mostly true, but not exactly practical. For example, I could be a doctor...but it isn't practical to completely start over my schooling, do that for 8 years, plus residency and internships....I'd be in my 40s. (Plus I have NO desire to be a doctor). 

So what is it that I want to do? Why don't I know? Didn't I used to dream of doing something exciting with my life?

When did I stop dreaming?

It's a startling thing to realize that your heart is no longer dreaming. I think I can pinpoint the time that it started, but I won't go into that right now.

So I stopped and really thought about what I would want my life to look like. I won't go into details on that right now because it may very well change in the next five or more years. But after some thought, I told him what I think I'd like to do. I thought it was probably ridiculous and there was NO WAY I'd ever be able to pursue at least part of it.

You know how he responded?

He encouraged me.

I told him I would be terrified to actually follow through. Because I am terrified of failing. I am the biggest chicken that ever learned to cluck.

And when did THAT happen? When did I become such a scaredy-cat? When did I start obsessing about all the negative what-ifs of every potential adventure instead of simply weighing them against all the positive what-ifs? 

I think it was about the time that I allowed my heart to stop dreaming.

And then, Andrew showed me this clip, which many of you are probably familiar with:

Basically, would I rather wake up when I'm old and regret that I never had the guts to try to follow my dreams? Or would I rather live, and potentially fail, but be able to say that I tried?

As much as I'm scared of failing, of hurting myself and/or my family from failing, I'd rather try. Especially since I have someone who loves me and is willing to encourage me along the way.

What A Beautiful Day

Good afternoon, everyone!

This week has, obviously, had some really rough patches. But there have been a lot of wonderful moments as well. Without further ado: this week's happy log!

Sat 2/10 - We decided to do something different and try a new non-franchise restaurant for dinner. We ended up at Grits N Greens, which was about a 15 minute drive away. It was a much longer wait than we thought it would be, but the food was delicious!

Sun 2/11 - Oh my gosh I actually got to church almost on a time. I walked in to service only a minute late! Considering I'm still trying to figure this whole parenting and being places on time thing, I'll take that as a win!

Mon 2/12 - Andrew had a training day, which meant we got to have a late start since no one had to be anywhere until after 8!  If you know me, you know I treasure my sleep.

Tues 2/13 - Happy 3rd birthday, Rin! I officially have a threenager, y'all, and she acts like it with how sassy and argumentative she is. For her birthday, she got some happy birthday videos and calls, a card (she called it her birthday book), a Pikachu bag, and a cupcake!

Wed 2/14 - Ah, Valentine's Day. My least favorite holiday ever. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've had a purely good day on this day. Today was no exception. The day ran late, dinner plans were messed up, and I got frustrated.

BUT! After we put the kids down, we took our pizza that we had gotten, heated ourselves some dinner, lit a candle, and had a peaceful candlelight dinner. And put on some Jack Johnson pandora radio to top off the mood. Valentine's Day was saved hahaha.

Thurs 2/15 - Another not so great day. But the weather was beautiful, I learned a new song on guitar (have I told everyone that I'm learning to play guitar yet?!), and I didn't have to cook dinner! Also, every time I sit down to practice guitar, this is what happens:

And we had a sweet moment with Rin. Andrew asked her to cuddle with Pikachu in her room while I got Amelia down for bed and he took care of some things, then shut her door so she wouldn't distract Amelia from sleep. I realized it had gotten really quiet in there. Went in after Amelia was down and saw this (no naps and lot of play makes for overly tired kiddos):

Fri 2/16 (today) - It is yet again an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day and I refused to stay in this morning.

I did something new with my hair before we headed out to the park!

I'm not going to lie. It took WAY too long to do my hair like this. And even though it's a little wonky, I wasn't about to spend more time taking it down and fixing it! I feel pretty, so whatever!

Amelia's first time on a swing! She was giggling and kicking her little legs and feet as hard as she could!

Rin was having a blast on the slides and then the swings. I asked if I could take her picture and she was fine with that. But she refused to smile while I did so. So even though she may look serious, I promise it's only because she wanted to try to keep the swing going by herself!

Happy Friday everyone!

The Things I Don't Handle Well

Good afternoon everyone!

It has been one of those days. Rin turns THREE tomorrow (crazy, right?!).......and I'm about ready to take the gift we bought her back to the store.

Today, she has been:
bossy
demanding
whiney
irritable
mean
temperamental

I can handle those things. Sure, they may get on my nerves, but I don't generally lose my cool unless I'm just really having a bad day already.

So what is it that I don't handle well?

I don't handle my child screaming in my face.
I don't handle my child spitting at me.

Wait, Hannah, did I read that right? Sweet little Rin? Screaming and spitting at you?

YES! Yes, you did read that correctly.

You guys.

No. Just no.

I mean, how do you even RESPOND to that?! I don't....I react.

She got yelled at (gasp, I know, I yelled at my kid....in retrospect, that was dumb because I'm trying to teach her not to yell at me when she's upset, and I should lead by example....oops).

And she got all her favorite snuggles taken away. Every. Last. One of them.

I was only going to take away one thing. I gave her about ten chances to calm down. When she screamed and spat in my face the second...and then the third time....I was done.

And let's face it: as my brother said, nothing says "screw you kid" better than taking away all their crap.

Don't worry: she'll get it all back.............eventually.
And I'll do my best to let it all go by the time she gets up from her nap. Or by the time her birthday starts tomorrow.

Better Late Than Never!

You guys. I’m not even going to lie. I completely forgot about doing my next “happy log” until about 9 pm on Friday...which is around my bedtime.

And then yesterday, I forgot until about 8 pm, which is what time I was crawling into bed to try to catch up on some sleep (which, miraculously, worked!).

So I’m doing it now....sorry for the delay!

Last Saturday 2/3 - Our friend Jordan came down to visit for the day and we spent the day generally hanging out for the most part. At one point, Amelia was trying to eat my face, which I found hilarious at that moment.

Sunday 2/4 - I’m not going to lie. This was a really really bad day.

Monday 2/5 - Monday morning, I woke up and saw that the Eagles won (I’m not a huge football fan, but this still made me quite happy). I spent probably about an hour of my day catching up on some Super Bowl ads, the halftime show, and the national anthem.

Side trail about the halftime show: I’m a little disappointed in how little Justin Timberlake sang, and especially disappointed in how quiet his voice was compared to the music, but I thought the performance overall was entertaining and enjoyable to watch.

Side trail number 2 about the national anthem: OMG she sang that while getting over the flu?! She sounded great, especially as that is one hard song to sing.

Tuesday 2/6 - This day was the opposite of Sunday. Nothing particular happened, but it was just a very good and enjoyable day overall.

Wednesday 2/7 - I built a “dragon” out of blocks with Rin (it looked TERRIBLE), then read King Jack and the Dragon to her, replacing King Jack with Queen Rin, while she fought our dragon.

Later, when I picked Andrew up from work, he told me one of his students had seen me the previous day and came in that day to tell him, “Mr. Moffitt, your wife is really pretty!” The day she had seen me was a day that I was in a full on “mom uniform”: yoga pants, stretched out old shirt, ponytail, and no makeup. So yeah, that comment made me feel pretty fantastic.

I also got our bathrooms and kitchen clean, which is always nice afterwards.

Thursday 2/8 - I apparently forgot to write down anything for this day, but I think this is when I started feeling better. Plus I got everything dusted and vacuumed and de-cluttered. Score!

Friday 2/9 - Friday was a really good day! I took Rin to story time at the library and got her to actually participate some. I learned a new song on guitar. The only not good thing was that Rin and Amelia refused to take any afternoon naps, so they got a little on the cranky and tired side.

Since I’m only supposed to go Saturday to Friday or so, I’ll hold off on the rest for now. Next week, I think there may even be some pictures involved! Woohoo!

First Ever Happy Log

Good afternoon, all!

I got some feedback on my last blog (thank you to those who said anything!) and, as I said I would do, I'm going to do a blog every Friday with something positive from each day of that week (at least, I'm going to try to). I don't know that these posts will read coherently or not, but the purpose is to dedicate some time each week to focus on the positives.

Of course, the first week I would do this, our week would be the most stressful so far during the year, but I'm trying!

I think I'll lay it out as:

Day/Date - this is what happened, with maybe a bit of commentary.

Thurs 1/25 - Rin and I saw a beautiful sunrise and talked about the colors (pink, purple, blue, and peach).

Fri 1/26 - Two of the characters I use in a free little video game were improved in a game patch.
And we got pizza for dinner to make our lives a little easier.

Sat 1/27 - My best friend visited and we (okay, actually, she) decorated Amelia's room.

Sun 1/28 - Andrew was able to find my favorite ice cream at the store when I thought it was out (it was the 2nd to last one left, and had the wrong ice cream stocked in front of it).

Mon 1/29 - I got to nap. And got to have meaningful conversation with my brother, which helped me work through some things I was struggling with.

Tues 1/30 - I was a bad-A mom and got a ton of things clean in the apartment (you wouldn't be able to tell by seeing it now, but meh - that's what happens when a place is actually lived in).

Wed 1/31 - Rin ran back and forth through the living room laughing and singing the ABC's. We also ate some popcorn and watched part of Moana together.

*Side note (in case you were wondering what toddlers are like on a daily basis): Rin was perfectly sweet almost all day Wednesday. Then bath time came and she splashed enough water out of the tub to drown Munchkin Land. Then proceeded to shake her butt in the air after getting dried off, yelling the whole time "BUTTS! BUTTS! BUTTS! BUTTS! BUTTS!"

Thurs 2/1 - Oh hey new month! I made a tracker to track some of my good/bad habits (and to see how different areas of my life may or may not affect others). Rin got really excited to read some books with me.

Fri 2/2 (today) - Apparently, me making pterodactyl noises makes Amelia laugh (and who doesn't love baby giggles).

Have a good weekend everyone!