Support and Beauty

Here's my thing. We could all do this. We all have either struggled with this at some point in our lives or know someone who has. If you say you haven't, then either you're lying or you haven't been paying close enough attention.

I think its awesome that people can have a way to share their support.

However, why do we only show support with few-day long things like these? Why is depression such a taboo subject to approach? Why do people who deal with depression always feel there is no one to talk to and that they are alone, even when there are millions suffering in the same way?

In America, depression is common. It can come in many forms and it can come from many origins. But it still exists. Many people do not treat their depression. Why? Because it has a taboo. In religion, in family, and in work, no one wants to admit that they struggle with depression. Many times, religion will tell you to just rely on God (which, if you already are, what does that imply to you? That you aren't relying on Him fully enough? The Bible says with faith the size of a mustard seed for a reason, people!). Work tells you to just put on a face because we don't have time to do deal with your issues. And family sometimes just doesn't know what to say, or they are absent.

So what happens? People continue to struggle with depression. Do not tell them just to get over it! They can decide a thousand times a day that they do not want to be depressed any longer. But if they have no support system, it can be almost impossible to pull themselves out of that pit.

If you've never suffered from depression, let me explain how it always felt to me.

Imagine a weight on your chest. A knot in your throat. A lack of energy all the time. An inability to focus. A fear of change. A sinking feeling sucking your entire body down into the earth. You don't want to move. You don't want to work. You can't relax. You get emotional, have panic attacks. Even if you can identify the root cause of your depression, you can't seem to find the strength to fix it. Or you can't get over your fear of doing what you must to fix it.

Like I said, almost impossible to get out of. Fortunately, I have a loving family and friends who were willing to help. They listened to my unfocused, fearful ramblings of what I thought I might need to do, but was unsure and scared of doing for months! They loved on me and told me I was worth so much more than this kind of life. They cut through my rambling and told me what I already knew, but was afraid to admit. And then, when they knew I knew what needed to happen, they physically came and got me.

They have shown me so much love and forgiveness and hope.

Because of them, I have begun a process of keeping myself of getting sucked back down. I have begun to forgive myself and the others that have hurt me either intentionally or unintentionally (which is an everyday, ongoing process). I have begun to hope that my life can be as big as I want it to be.

What's my point? If you know someone struggling with depression, be there for them! Not just a few days of the year, but every single day. Be their friend that can listen without judgment. Be their strong arms that can hold them. Be their open heart that can love on them and tell them that they are wonderful and beautiful and amazing.

And if you struggle yourself, and have found at least one person who will do these things for you, let them. Do NOT let anyone tell you that you are alone or unworthy!!!! I CANNOT stress this enough.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
YOU ARE NOT UNWORTHY!!!

I don't care what you have or have not done, please remember that.

Overdrive

I just want to start by saying that my brain has been going in a thousand different directions, and I can coherently think about them all. Its quite a relief to no longer feel like I'm in quite as bad of a stupor as I was.

So. I'm starting to get to the point where I'm trying to get healthy again.
My first step is to start taking my multivitamins again and drinking more water. I've successfully done both for 3 days straight now! With water, I'm taking it slow, starting with 3 cups of water a day. I'm not even used to that much, so I've been running to the bathroom a ton!

Anyways, my next stage is to start exercising again. I will be starting running (is my plan, but its cold out, so we'll see when I actually start doing that). And I found a 5 week starting workout routine for dancers.

And, of course, I'm going to be stretching so I can dance again! I already have 3 songs I'm wanting to choreograph to:

 

This one, I've already got some choreography started on. I love this song, partially because it puts words behind what I had been feeling for so long. I also really like the unique sound of it.

You may know this one if you've listened to the radio at all. I really like the grungy, sassy feel of it.

And this one is way outside my bubble, but every time I hear it on the radio, I just want to choreograph to it!

That's all I have for now!



Creation and destruction

Yesterday, I was thinking: creation and destruction. You can't have one without the other. You can't create something without destroying the previous state of whatever material you use. You can't destroy anything without creating in the process. Even if its unintentional. 

As an artist, this is an important concept to grasp.

As a woman changing her life, this is monumental. 

I can destroy aspects of myself that I don't like. I can create a different me. God is the only one who can give me my body and my life, but I can am the only one with control over my life. 

Destruction is thought of as such a negative thing. But in reality, it isn't. It is a form of creation.

Now, how do you destroy aspects of your life?

Practice. 

Just like in a sport, practice makes perfect. So practice being who you want to be.

Also just like in a sport, no longer practicing results in losing the ability to do what you used to do. So stop practicing the behaviors and aspects of your character that you want to be rid of. Once you get out of practice, you lose the ability to be that way again.

Col 2:7 Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done.

Col 3:1-15 Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God's right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth. For you died when Christ died, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your real life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory. 

So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual sin, impurity, lust, and shameful desires. Don't be greedy for the good things of this life, for that is idolatry. God's terrible anger will come upon those who do such things. You used to do them when your life was still part of this world. But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Don't lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old evil nature and all its wicked deeds. In its place you have clothed yourselves with a brand-new nature that is continually being renewed as you learn more and more about Christ, who created this new nature in you. In this new life, it doesn't matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. 

Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. And the most important piece of clothing you must wear if love. Love is what binds us together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful.