Journeys

Well, I didn't realize I had been so negligent until I looked at my blog again and saw I haven't written in, what?!, a year and a half?! Man.

I guess a lot of updates are in order.

1) I have 2 nephews now. They are adorable.
2) My parents are living in South Africa. Click that link to see what they're doing. Its absolutely incredible (and I do plan on visiting them there). Currently, they're in the US for the holidays.
3) I made it to department management at work. And last Thursday, I handed in my keys and quit. Truth be told, I hated my job.
4) I have a puppy. She's now about a year old.
5) I'm now living in Rowan County again. Which is a whole story in and of itself.

So my story:
I was dating Steven, who I've talked about in previous blogs, for almost 3 years. And, while I do love him, it was time. I had told him I was thinking about moving back home a few times. Every time, he begged me to stay, and I did. Now let me fill you in: I am very close with my family. Yeah, my family argues from time to time (the other night was proof of that). But they still love each other. Now, imagine what its like for me to be in Asheville, not able to make trips to see them because of finances, with a boyfriend who won't meet them because he swears up and down that they hate him, even though he only met a grand total of 4 members of my family.

Yeah.

Frustrating to say the least.

Moving on, after the first discussion of my moving home, he promised (and this was about 4 months ago) that we would make it work and I would get to see my family and that he would even go with me.

None of those happened.

So, my dad and my brother showed up unannounced and asked me if I was ready to move back home. They even helped me decide what to pack up.

Before you up and tell me I'm a terrible person, I'm just going to say that all we took was my clothes, tv, mirror, pilates mats, books, DVDs (mostly chick flicks), shoes, and my toiletries. And Roxie, my dog. I wasn't sure what to do with her. I had 3 options: leave her with Steven, take her with me, or take her to the Humane Society. I didn't want to take her to the shelter because I absolutely adore that dog. I didn't want to leave her with Steven because, at the end of the month, I don't know if he would even have a place to live. I didn't think he'd be financially able to care for her. And I was scared to take her with me for the same reasons, but my brother offered to let her live at his house and take care of her for however long I wanted/needed.

So now, Roxie has 2 adults and 2 kids to love on, a huge yard to play in (on a runner, of course), and Michael even bought her some bones because she loves to chew on them! I'd say she's pretty happy.

As for me though, am I happy? Well, those first 2 nights were really hard. Like, I can't breathe because my heart is being ripped out of me, hard. But my family has been loving on me. And while I do love Steven, and I wish for his happiness all the time, my happiness is no longer being sucked out of me.

I feel like I'm starting to have a little bit of life in my body again.

I have an appetite again (for the most part) for the first time in many many months. I'm starting to renew my faith, which I haven't had the energy to barely realize I had lost. I've been sleeping at least 8 hours a night for the first time in months AND, for the most part, waking up refreshed. I'm starting to think about my dreams for my life again, while knowing I have the support system for them to happen.

So, while I'm not pure happy, I'm much happier than I've been in quite a while. And now that I've been away from that relationship for 5 days, I'm starting to realize just how much went wrong.

Its time for me to find my own identity again, instead of wrapping it up in someone else's.