Discovering Who I Want to Be

Today's writing will be a little different. A little less family oriented, and a little more of me just thinking.

I've begun realizing the type of person I really want to be: strong, stable, and actively productive (as well as productively active).

I want to be spiritually strong, physically strong, mentally strong.

I want to be emotionally stable, which I believe will come along with the journey into strength.

I want to be able to end my days feeling fulfilled, like I've accomplished things other than simply surviving.

I want to be the type of person that either has a vegetable garden for my family, or who gets most of her produce from a farmer's market.

I want to be the type of person who can support friends and local businesses more than she does faceless corporations.

And I'm discovering that there's is a much greater depth to my need to create than I've ever known before.

I want to create a home for my family that is both aesthetically pleasing and emotionally welcoming.

I want to create dinners that have the potential to nourish the bodies and souls of my beautiful family.

I want to create dances that showcase originality and raw emotion.

I want to be on stage, giving life to a character from a script.

I want to complete creative projects. Both projects with the kids, but also projects that I've worked on by myself.

I want to be able to do all of these things, and be that type of person.

But there seems to be simply no way to accomplish this right now. Not with being pregnant. Not with a huge upcoming move. Not with the level of daily fatigue and exhaustion I'm experiencing.

Right now, I simply do not have the energy or attention span.

It's the thought that counts, though, right? I've acknowledged these wants and needs. The next step is making a plan on how I'm going to start my journey. Most of the journey will not start for at least three months, if not for longer.

But I vow to myself that I will get back to making sure I'm the type of person, wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend that I wish to be.