Time for a Detox

Hello all. I hope the weather where you are has been pleasant, as here, the days are starting to get warmer and sunnier (finally).

In my last post, I talked about the type of person I'd like to become. My first step in finding my way into that, I believe, is a detox.

Now, I know most of you probably think about a detox as a health fad diet type thing. And that may lead you to think "is that even SAFE to do while pregnant?!" And to be honest, I don't know. Because that isn't the type of detox I'm talking about.

I'm talking about an emotional detox. A social media detox. Yes, those two go hand in hand for me. The more negativity I hear and see, the more stressed and down I feel.

I'm also talking about an electronics detox.....but only partially there. I do still have to keep my phone handy and to look up recipes and (try to) keep up with this blog, along with various other things. I still enjoy winding down in the evening either watching a show or a movie on Netflix or playing Minecraft with the hubby (we know we're nerds....don't judge). And I love listening to music.

But I'm going to turn the volume all the way up on my phone and leave it in one predetermined place in the apartment. That way, I can hear if someone is trying to get in touch with me and I know where to grab it if I want to take a picture or a video.

I'm going to turn the computer on for very specific purposes, and for a set amount of time.

I'm going to stay off of Facebook, unless I write a blog and sign on to post it. I'm not sure how long I'm going to stay off...I just know it needs to happen. If you see something you think I'd enjoy, feel free to still post it to me; I just won't see it for a while. If you want me to see something right away, you can Facebook message it to me (I'll still  have that active) or email or text it to me.

I want to really enjoy this time with my family. This time while Andrew is almost done with school (only 17 days of student teaching left, if you count today). While Rin is still an only child. While I'm still able to get more than two hours of sleep at a time and aren't hearing the cries of a newborn.

I want to open my time back up, to stop being sucked into staring at a screen and watching the time disappear.

On top of all this, I want to calm my mind.

I haven't been taking care of my mental health. The result? I've been stressed, anxious, and depressed. I've been lashing out at those I love the most. I've not been able to sleep well. I've felt tightness creeping from my back to my shoulders and neck and around to my collar bones to the point that I start to feel like I can't breathe and my heart starts racing. I haven't been able to focus and I haven't been able to just relax and stop thinking so much.

I talked to Andrew about this around the same time that I read an article on the importance of doing things like meditating during pregnancy to reduce stress and worry. We talked; I told him I can't meditate because I can't get my brain to just be quiet. He suggested I find a way to calm my mind that works for me: listen to music (and really focus on it), take a bath, etc.

Yesterday, we went for a leisurely walk in the park to enjoy the sunshine and burn off some toddler energy. It wasn't until afterwards that I even realized: my brain was calm. Between the warm sun, all the people and children and dogs, the trees, the birds, the grass, and watching my husband and daughter interacting about everything she saw, my brain just went.....quiet. For the first time in months.

I found myself laughing and more willing to engage. I found myself able to focus. I was calm and happy, and stayed that way the rest of the evening.

If that is how meditation ends up making someone feel, then by all means, I'll meditate by taking walks outside as often as I need to. And I'll find some way to calm my mind when that's not an option.

So this is the start of my detox journey and my learning to calm my mind and get rid of all the stressful, worrisome, negative thoughts. And my learning to deal with normally stress-inducing thoughts (because there will always be something serious to think about) in a healthy, non-panicked way.

It's a process. I will go ahead and acknowledge that I will probably fail at this at least 50% of the time at first. Recognizing this now, though, will help me keep from getting discouraged and giving up on the days that I do fail. And slowly, I hope that number will start to fall, and I can be a less stressed, more mindful human being.